Paul and Casey’s bogus journey

We’re writing this post to elucidate on the comical nature of traveling in Asia.  What follows is an account of our preposterous attempt to journey From Bokeo National Park in northwestern Laos to Hanoi, Vietnam in one shot.

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9:00– Hike through the jungle.  Muddy but mostly downhill.

11:00– Ride in the back of a truck along very hilly, muddy mountain roads.

12:30– Get dropped in the “town” of Ban Donchii.  Have lunch.  We’re told there’s a bus to Luang Namtha (our destination for the night) sometime between 2pm and 3pm.

13:30– Begin waiting on side of road for bus

14:03– Bus drives by.  I signal for it to stop.  The driver gets very excited, smiles widely and frantically waves hello.  Then drives past.

14:04– Nearby shop owner tells us we need to signal for the bus to stop.  Grr.  We ask if there are any more buses.  He doesn’t know.  I ask if he can call and find out.  He says “no”, then moves to the other side of street and watches us.

14:15– We decide if there isn’t another bus in an hour we are going to hitchhike.

14:35– Another bus.  Paul runs in front of it to make it stop.  Hallelujah!  We board the bus and the only other passenger is a 68 year old Aussie guy named Murray, who is really interesting to talk to.  We see 4 accidents along the way.  An hour into the ride, roosters begin crowing and I realize the boxes next to me have animals in them.

16:45– Toilet break on the side of the road.  No bushes to cover my bright white exposed bottom.  I think I blind a few motorists.

16:50– Arrive in Luang Namtha (really?! Why the toilet break then?) and take a tuk tuk to town.  Buy bus tickets to get to Vietnam border tomorrow, but unable to get much information about buses from border to Hanoi.  Find a guesthouse and have first hot shower in days.

7:00– Tuk tuk to bus station.  Board minibus to Dien Bien Phu, across the border in Vietnam.  There’s a French girl on board, but she isn’t going all the way to Vietnam.  The rest are locals.  No one speaks English.  No apparent roosters this time.

7:30– Depart bus station

7:31– 1st stop- gas station.  Buses and taxis never seem to think ahead and fuel up before departing.

8:03– Bus door breaks, but is soon fixed.  Drive through many poor mountain villages with children playing in the road.

Only 10 miles from China at one point

10:30– Stop for food.  We just have coffee, but others have noodle soup and boiled duck.  Worryingly the drivers have whisky.

11:10– Switch drivers.  New driver is a maniac on these windy mountain roads. After seeing all the cars that went off the road yesterday, this is unsettling.

13:00– We eat sandwiches that we brought with us.

13:42 – A rooster crows.  I was wrong.  There are animals hidden on this 22 person bus.

14:30– Second driver tries to ask where we are going.  When I say “Hanoi” he gives me a strange look then makes some phone calls.

15:35– Arrive at Laos immigration.  Refuse to pay the bribe. They hold our passports while I yell at them.  They threaten to keep us here.  Pay stupid fee at bad exchange rate.

16:10– Vietnam immigration goes smoothly.  No bribes.

17:40– There’s only 4 of us (and a rooster in a bag) left.  Arrive at tiny station in Dien Bien Phu.  Sidenote: this is where the Vietnamese defeated the French.  Bus driver points at an SUV and says “Hanoi”.  We don’t know if this guy is driving us to Hanoi or transporting us elsewhere, or if we have to pay.  The four of us cram in the back seat and get driven down the road to a big bus station.

17:50– Men grab our bags and throw them on a bus labeled “Hanoi”.  We ask what time the bus leaves. They point to 6:00 on their watches.

17:53– We have about $6 in Vietnamese dong and need to pay for bus. We ask where the ATM is.  The men herd me into a cab which drives me to an ATM, where I guess a random amount and withdraw it, because I don’t quite know the conversion yet, nor do I know what the bus costs.

17:59– Taxi races me back to bus station, we board, and are ushered to our seats on a sleeper bus.

18:00– Bus departs as we are climbing into our seats.  We are really hoping it stops soon, as we need food and a bathroom.

19:30– Pee break in the bushes

20:30– “Rambo: First Blood” starts playing, with all voices dubbed by the same female.  Stallone isn’t quite as intimidating when he sounds like an Asian woman.

More and more people continue to get on the bus and are sitting on the floor.

22:30– Stop for food.  Sit at a table with 4 Vietnamese guys.  We are given unknown food (broth, raw veggies, unknown meat, eggs?), and we all eat from a communal pot.  Pretty sure we will get sick from this.  Other foreigners don’t eat.

23:00– Bus departs.  Now at double capacity.  Sleep until Hanoi.

Monday

6:55– Arrive in Hanoi.  Huge city.  Taxi to hotel, as no other options.

7:30- Arrive at hotel.  Destination reached.